Travel Much?

plane I spend more time in hotel beds than I do in my own bed at home.    When someone asks me where I live, I generally reply “Marriott.”  For  those that don’t travel regularly making their living and think it’s  glamorous, well it’s simply not.  I’m on a plane as I write this and I just  have so share with you observations about our fellow humans at  airports.

Alright folks, it’s the 21’st century and you should be able to slide your credit card in a “computer machine,” read the instructions, and touch the screen when directed…it’s something most 1st graders can do now.  Anyone not aware that you must go through security prior to gaining access to the boarding gate?  Why doesn’t it register with some that the articles of clothing worn, items that are packed, and the bags that are carried will affect the process of getting through security?  I plan for going through security with ease so I can also watch people that have not a clue of what’s going on…it makes the whole event worth my time.

Continuing with the boarding process and observing human behavior, it gets really interesting.  The gate agents announce boarding process of priority and even tell us to look at our ticket for our access (1st class, memberships, zones, etc.).  However, once the gate agent starts talking, everyone rushes for position for the single lane of access…like cattle being herded onto a truck headed for slaughter.  I watch and sure enough, on every flight, people at the front of the line are in zone 5, some even try to board out of their order, and the whole process slows down because of either ignorance or failure to follow directions.  Of course, there is always someone with a carryon bag that could not fit in the trunk of a 1975 Buick that argues with the gate agent about taking it on the plane.  And, of course, there are those that can’t count…one personal bag and a carryon. Not a personal bag, a carryon bag, a shopping bag and that bag with the gifts.

The fun continues on the plane when the bags are being stowed in the upper area…surprised that your carry on doesn’t fit?  I know that you bought it at TJ Maxx and the cute zebra stripe matches your flip flops, but really?  Additionally, I am the first to offer help to those that are in need…but if you and not elderly or disabled, and your TJ Maxx zebra bag is so heavy that it’s an event on world’s strongest man, then I don’t really feel sorry for you.

Then, of course someone is hungry and must eat a full meal on a 2 hour flight…it would be way stupid to eat at home or one of the 50 restaurants in the airport.  No, they have to bring a greasy bag of Bojangles chicken complete with dirty rice and biscuit, or an Italian sausage hotdog with onions, peppers and mustard.  Or if they really planned ahead, perhaps a tuna fish or egg salad sandwich from home.

Lastly, is there a mirror shortage in the US?  If your butt is so big that you have to turn sideways to go down the aisle, then stretchy pants are not for you.  If you don’t have your feet manicured and toenails clipped, wear covered shoes.  For both genders, if you spill over into the next seat because of your size, then please wear long sleeves.  For this same person, if your boobs (men or women) spill out of your tank/tube top, please wear a really good bra or again, a cover up.

Well, I hit the lottery by sitting next to a really nice and professional man that we respect each other’s space and the flight is going well.  But for those that don’t’ travel much, turn off American Idol the night before and while you are in Walmart, pick up a guide to travel.  Cheers y’all.

  1. Jeff Harbeson said:

    Reblogged this on The Funeral Commander~Jeff Harbeson and commented:

    I posted this a few years back and continue to travel quite a bit. It’s now vacation summer season and I’d like to share this humorous look at how I see things from my view…enjoy!


  2. Howard Beckham said:

    So true and very funny. It made me laugh. This morning with a very hectic day ahead, I needed a good laugh!


  3. Jeff Harbeson said:

    Thanks Howard! I appreciate your continued readership and friendship…


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