Saturday night I received a call from a lady that in years past I coached her son in football. The reason for her reaching out to me that her niece, only 24 years old had just died at home and she wanted our funeral home to assist their family. Unfortunately, the young woman that died had a debilitating disease and was released to home hospice from a major medical center only the night before.
I know this family personally and frankly, the word pitiful comes to mind. You know the family in your communities, truly struggling through life never seeming to get a break. After providing me with the contact information, I forwarded the data to our on call funeral director. Within just a few minutes, I received another call from the brother of the deceased. He told me that he was the only one in the family with a job, almost everyone was on disability, and that finances were going to be a serious issue. After listening, I shared with him that I understood and that our firm would certainly accommodate them to the best of our ability. Since finances were an issue, I inquired whether he and the family would consider cremation; he said that was not an option. They had a family farm property in another county and it was his sister’s desire to be buried there, the least that they could do. Since this was a home hospice call, our staff was on the way as we spoke and I assured him that we would do our best and our conversation ended.
The best of our ability…this means that we (our funeral home) have to at least cover our costs; removal staff, casket and such. Even with our offer to do this, what family wanted, they will still to struggle to cover the costs we must pay. When they came in to make arrangements, I was there simply so lend support and let them know that I truly cared for loss (I’m usually traveling all over the planet). The funeral director conducted the arrangements as our standard; providing them information so that they could make educated decisions.
Anguishing from the experience losing their 24 year old loved one was now coupled with the living struggle of eking their way through life in financial stress…all the time. I observed as the funeral director repeated what they were requesting from our firm, and then provided them with the cost for doing so. We had agreed to provide what they wanted and reasonably could afford at our cost. This family shared with the funeral director what funds they had available, and then we were able to provide them with a payment plan for the balance…still, just covering costs.
I felt compelled to share this real life event for a few reasons. First, just plain human empathy for this family and so many others finding themselves in this very position. Living day to day, struggling to make ends meet. When death or another catastrophic event occurs, all of life’s regular problems are magnified for these folks. Second, the families like this are one of the fastest growing groups in our country economically. As a business person, whether a grocery store, shoe store, gas station, clothing store or pick a business; we have overhead costs just to keep the doors open and pay the people to provide service. In the funeral home business, we are no different.
The difference in the funeral home business is that we are called provide service for those that have lost a loved one, regardless of their financial status. Some states and municipalities offer indigent funds in the event of indigent death. I have read that those offerings are “drying up” and non-existent in most areas such as our area of operations. Many outside the funeral home business have no idea that we are not reimbursed by a government entity like Medicare of Social Security if a family has no life insurance and limited financial resources. When a funeral home takes possession of a body, by most state statutes and regulations, we must either embalm or refrigerate within a certain time frame. This regulation does not preclude getting paid from the family.
My heart really does go out to families that are financially suffering, God bless them. I also understand and have concern for the gut wrenching job a funeral director does to meet their needs, both financially and their requests. From one owner/partner of a funeral home to the others that read this, my true reason for writing this post is for more people to understand the business we run is more than just nice suits, shiny cars and transactions. We make decisions that have profound effects on families, our employees and our business…it just isn’t what it seems. Cheers y’all!