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53 years53 years.  No more battles to fight, no countries to defend, no oppressed people to free. I remember years ago reading about what happens to men when we get older.  We go from being dangerous warriors seeking battles to fight, running with the ball or tackling the ones that carry it.  It’s happened…now I watch young warriors returning from foreign lands and men playing football on my big screen television.

I am 53 years old today and reflective.  I looked at my uniform now hanging in the closet under plastic (yes it still fits), but it’s not for me to wear anymore.  Frankly, the medals don’t mean anything to anyone else but me now; they are only history.  My greatest successes are not pinned on that uniform, rather they are experiences only I realize…

3.3Like being married to the love of my life for 30 years; many would say that she is one that deserves all the medals.  I am the father of two sons; both very much like me but so different in many ways…actually better than me. At their early age they have already demonstrated more than I about love, pursuit of happiness and individualism.

Over my adult years I have worn many uniforms, performed different jobs and taken on some pretty lofty projects.  I developed a personal mantra of “a vision is only a dream without execution.”  I have dreamed, had visions and executed…I have also failed.

It’s odd coming to the realization that you’re closer to the end than the beginning. I’m not going to put on that uniform for service ever again and I’m not going to tackle the guy carrying the ball.  But let me tell you what I am going to do:

I’m going to keep loving the woman that gave me her life and life to my sons.  I’m going to be the dad that challenges my sons to reach their potential; but they never have to look behind them because I have their back.  I’m going to execute my visions in the funeral industry and challenge those around me to elevate themselves beyond the norm.  I’m still going to be brought to tears when I hear Toby Keith’s “American Soldier.”   I’m still going to say to new people that I work with “I’m not going to say anything to offend you on purpose; when I want to offend you, you’ll be certain that I wanted to.”    I’m still going to love a good debate. I’m going to keep writing what comes to my mind, expressing my opinion and challenge others to take a stand.

Bugaloe blissI’m going to take care of myself which includes playing golf, smoking cigars and drinking dark rum straight on the rocks with a lime. I’m going to live 50 weeks a year so that I can live for 2 weeks in Aruba…like life should be lived.  53 is a new number for me; the number of consecutive push-ups I require of myself in the mornings just because I can.  I’m not going away easily.  I think I’ll just keep being me.  Cheers y’all! #thefuneralcommander

 

dna newsThe subject of DNA continues to surface in the news.  Just recently a headline story, “Did Adolf Hitler marry a Jewish woman? DNA tests ‘show Eva Braun associated with Ashkenazi Jews’ was published (see link below).   For the funeral industry, DNA is a relatively new discussion.  Although, the facts are that the cremation process is irreversible (unlike exhuming a body after burial) and the fact that all DNA trace is destroyed by cremation.  Both of these facts are widely known by all practitioners in the funeral industry.

So the question arises are funeral and cremation providers offering these important facts to the families they are serving?  Currently there are no laws or regulatory requirements to provide this information; however do we have an ethical obligation to do so?  I believe that in our litigious society we may have this point undoubtedly tested in the future.

During funeral arrangements, notifying family members that “cremation is irreversible and DNA is destroyed” is a simple, important step that may provide a family with at least the opportunity to make a decision prior to finality.  Cheers y’all.

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/world/hitler-shocker-hair-dna-shows-eva-braun-jewish-roots-article-1.1746666

tablet pc, mobile phone and laptop When you send email to someone or a company, how long does it take for a response acknowledging receipt of your  inquiry?  Just in the last 48 hours, I sent emails direct to people and made inquiries to companies to purchase their  services or products.  Guess what?  No response. I know people are busy, however busy is not an excuse for poor  manners.  I personally know people that are very busy, successful and run large multifaceted companies that routinely respond to me in a timely manner.

It is not unusual for me to receive more than fifty emails, texts, calls and other messages in a day.  When I receive a message, especially a message that someone took the time to personally reach out to me, then I promptly at least acknowledge receipt.  Fascinating to me is that we are offered instantaneous communication tools such as phones, text messaging, Skype, email, and the like, yet we have a failure of response time.  With all this instant technology at our disposal, why then does it take so long?

Why?  Because we are in an era of poor business behaviors and manners!  If you don’t believe it, how many times have you called someone asking the question “did you get my email?”  You are calling to find out one of 2 things; either their technology doesn’t work or they simply ignored your message and did not respond.  How difficult is it to reply “I received your message, but I’m not able to respond right now…I’ll get back to you on this in <give a time>?”

I want to challenge those that read this post.  First; respond to inquiries in a timely manner…just send a personal quick acknowledgement of receipt, and then follow up as you said you would.  If you are really late responding (over 48 hours), say so and apologize. Second; when someone does not respond to your inquiry in a timely manner, call them out on it.  If they say they are so busy that they could not take the time to at least acknowledge you, ask them if you or your business has any level of respect and why you should continue the relationship?

You’re just not that busy; you’re rude and lack business manners.  Cheers y’all.

TAC (3) For several years of my military service, I was a TAC Officer (Training, Advising, and Counseling) at an Officers Candidate  School.  Yes, that’s me in the photo providing some advice.  The mission of the school was to train Non-Commissioned  Officers and Enlisted soldiers to become combat leaders.  Subjects from indirect fire to proper dining etiquette were trained  all while being conducted in a combat simulated environment.  Development of decision making skills under stress,  leadership, and personal accountability; OCS is considered one of the premier leadership programs in the world.

Prior to a class graduating and receiving their earned Commissions, I would always offer this advice:

  1. Always keep yourself in shape; fat and sloppy is hard to follow.
  2. Polish your boots, press your uniform and have a fresh haircut.
  3. If you follow steps 1 & 2, no one will know you are an idiot until you open your mouth.
  4. Have something relevant to say, or don’t say anything at all.

Enough said.  Cheers y’all.

bench Funeral directors daily serve families making funeral arrangements that find themselves unable to pay for a desired  funeral to honor their loved one. A fair analogy quote for this situation is “I only have bus fare, but I want to buy a Cadillac”  (this comes from my fellow funeral professional Todd Winninger).  Just yesterday I was chatting with a funeral director  about payment plans for their funeral home.  When a family does not have a pre-need trust,  but has limited life  insurance, cash or  credit card balance, my company At Need Credit offers a payment plan.

Two of the three plans require that a family make a down payment, at least half of the goods and services of the total cost.  By asking a family to meet the funeral home “halfway,” then the family is committed and the funeral home can at least recover a majority of its cost of goods.  When describing the information about how the plans work, the funeral director asked me “well, what if the family can’t come up with half of the total cost for a down payment?”

My response to the director was similar to the title of this post; “if a family cannot come up with half of the down payment for your goods and services, why are you trying to sell them a Cadillac when they only have bus fare?”  There was a silence on the other end of the phone.  I went further “what are you currently doing if a family cannot produce even half of what you are charging for goods and services?”  The standard answer was given “we reduce the casket and services” the funeral director said.  So then I went into the math mode “so lets say your least expensive service with the least expensive casket is $4995 and the family doesn’t have even $2,500…what are you reducing…are you performing a graveside service with no visitation, no embalming, and no hearse?”  Silence again…then “well no, we just try to work with the family” which in funeral director terms means that the firm takes whatever the family can pay at the time, perform basically what the family wants, and hope for the best.

Just a week ago I addressed this issue from a different perspective titled “A Real Dilemma, the Cost of Being Broke.”  The issue is not going away; I get emails, phone calls and inquiries daily from funeral homes inquiring about At Need Credit payment plans. My funeral home locations weekly face this problem. The questions I want to bring to the funeral professionals: if your family only has bus fare, why are you trying to sell them a Cadillac?  I know that there are going to be responses from some that some social or government organization will pay something…but even then, are you matching the goods and services with the amount you collect?  Meaning, if the organization pays your firm $1,000 what do you give the family in return…do you provide the absolute minimum?  I hear often, “what if the family has no money?”  I then ask. “how much is no money?”  I have personally seen a “no money family” pay $15,000 cash for a funeral.  From my own experience, I have never known a family to have absolutely $0…I am not disputing that they exist.  So another question for discussion: when a family says they have “no money,” how does your firm serve them?

Anyone with a computer, television and even those that still read newspapers (I personally dont know anyone anymore that gets the paper under 75 years old) knows that our economy is in the toilet…if not, CNN Money reports that 76% of Americans are living paycheck to paycheck to bring you up to date.  For discussion sake, please share your funeral home solutions to those that “have bus fare, but want to buy a Cadillac.”           Cheers y’all.

acute_angina1 Okay, so this time last year I was recovering from a serious medical event  that should have, for all practical purposes killed me.  But as my kids say, “it’s  hard to kill ’em”  (referring to my side of the family).  I distinctly remember  being in the back of a siren blasting ambulance thinking to myself that with  all the close calls in my life including Iraq scud missiles bursting overhead  upon impact of our Patriot missiles, this little episode isn’t going get me  either.

Upon arrival a the hospital and some excellent quick work by the cardiac physician on duty, my “widow maker” was reopened and I was extended life…again.  After being moved into the ICU strapped down like a Hannibal Lecter, I then endured the barrage of family, friends and medical staff coming to see that I again cheated death, and of course to tell me that I have to “slow down.”  Yea right.

Interestingly my diet was pretty good, I exercise regularly and had a physical only 2 months prior that I did well with “no issues.”  Obviously they got this one wrong.  Thanks to modern medicine, I’m going to keep living life, but better living through chemicals…you know medicine.  I never took medicine beyond some seasonal allergy stuff and in my younger days, a bottle of Pepto Bismol after a night of alcohol buffoonery. So, one change of getting older…I now watch the drug commercials sometimes wondering if what I’m taking is going to give me bleeding eyes, itchy ears and some “seeping” issues as side effects.

After 3 days in ICU I went home and was on “house arrest” which meant I was supposed to chill. The second day I jumped in my car just to drive around for some scenery change and a cigar. During my confinement I also had to be “taken” to the hospital to meet with the rehab folks to “get me in line” so I could live longer.  When I walked in the rehab facility, I thought I was a geriatric health club.  I have never seen so many white Rockports and exercise suits in my life.  The counselor proceeded to ask me questions about family history, my eating habits, work habits, exercise routines, social habits, etc.  Upon conclusion and her review, she started right off the top with “well, you are going to have to stop eating chips, drinking any alcohol and the cigars must go.”  At that, I laughed and said “nope, I must go…now”…never to return.

Okay, so here is my theory on life and getting older.  First, either you do or you don’t.  I refuse to do anything other than to live what I have left any other way than what makes me happy…cigars and all. If eating chips sometimes is going to kill me, so what…I am going to die of something.  Medicine? Well, I have not had any notable side effects that would cause me to stop my taking prescriptions, but I still pay attention to the commercials. I’m not going to wear white Rockports for exercise, and yes golf is exercise. I currently have severe hearing loss from my military days and really is no solution for tinnitus. …so I’m the “what did they say” guy already.  I will drive until someone hides my keys.  As if this is a revelation, as I get older I will continue to speak my mind…I’m a believer of not telling you to go to hell, but the truth, and that feels like hell.  If you are a woman, I’ll call you “ma’am” no matter your age, I won’t write the response to women here that find that “offensive” .  When I think you look nice, I’m going to tell you, get over yourself, I’m not hitting on you.  I’m still too vain with my hair not being combed in public and to not dress nice. I refuse for my belt buckle to point downwards (from an oversized belly)…nor am I going to pull my pants up just below my nipples (at least not yet). Getting older also, for whatever reason (maybe from overuse when we are young) our sex life slows up a bit…oh well. On rare occasions, this subject presents tough decisions. Frankly sometimes I choose a good sandwich, chips and watching football…unlike sex, it lasts longer and I can nap along the way.

A year later, I’m still pretty much me.  I want to continue to be no one else and try to bring humor (my style) to approach life… my acuteangina and all.  If I had known I had one, I probably would had done things differently a long time ago.  Getting older is funny…Cheers y’all.

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